Dealing with a narcissistic and/or toxic boss

I’d like to believe we live in a perfect world where butterflies flutter amongst us more often than sporadically.

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The fact is…we do not live in a perfect world.  It has the potential to be virtually perfect, but we are all given freewill and some individual’s intentions and motives aren’t that of harmony.

The truth is, although we have the potential in our hearts to be as kind and giving as Mother Theresa we aren’t all as kind and giving as Mother Theresa.

INDIA-MOTHER TERESA

 

The fact is there are some individuals in this world we live in that are evil, malicious, narcissistic, and toxic.

Reading or watching the news will document this very real malice that exists in the hearts of some.

However, please take note, there are many very kind and giving people in the world and if we look around we can also bare witness to those individuals.

This is where I’m going…in conversation with some of my family and friends, there are individuals that deal with many different spectrums of personalities of bosses they deal with on a daily basis.

Some deal with really awesome bosses that are compassionate, genuine, honest, and resonate leadership.

Others deal with toxic, harassing, bullying, narcissistic, manipulative, demeaning, bosses whom they’ve become serial targets for.  Narcissistic and toxic bosses, sometimes, have a, “divide and conquer mentality.”  You’re either with them or against them. Then they make it their personal goal to alienate and tarnish the reputation of anyone that isn’t, “with them.”

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Unfortunately, that’s just the world we live in.

While speaking to one of my friends this, unfortunately, is their case.

It saddens me to hear this since we spend SO MUCH time at work.

How small of an individual is one who takes joy and solace in making other individual’s lives miserable?

How empty must that individual, the toxic boss, be to unload their own shortcomings and unhappiness by ridiculing, belittling, demeaning, and bullying others?

I’ve been speaking to this friend for some time in hopes to provide an external coach, reminding them they’re not the one who is bat shit crazy.

It’s their tyrant boss that is bat shit crazy.

Some of the signs one is dealing with a toxic boss are as follows;

They are involved in the office gossip. This means they hear the office gossip, they spread the office gossip, and they create the office gossip.

Crazy. I know.

The rules apply to everyone, but them. Chain of command? Doesn’t apply to them, but definitely applies to their targets.

They will belittle, berate, demean, harass, bully, and put you down sometimes publicly, but sometimes privately.

They reward those that brown nose and retaliate against those that stand by any virtue that disagrees with their thought process.

They make you constantly question and quadruple check everything you’re doing because you feel as though they’re going to snap at any given moment no matter what you do.

They make you feel as though you’re a child and not an adult with responsibilities, work experience, and a very REAL life outside of the hamster wheel you’re working in.

You are constantly thinking about work. Not in a good way.

Dealing with this individual is a, “damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario.”

Here is the thing… This type of constant emotional abuse will take a toll on one’s mental health which will eventually take a toll on one’s physical health.

Constant stress is not good.

But before you go shaving your head like Britney…

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Here are some things you can do;

First, put an exit plan in place.

STAT.

Of course, the job market doesn’t always work in the favor of speedy exit strategies.

Still yet, make it your priority to look for a job persistently until you find one.

This should be something we do on our spare time consistently, but it’s especially important when you’re very unhappy at work. Find things to do that make you happy on your spare time. .

Gardening.

Exercising.

Crafting.

Blogging.

Hell, even cleaning and de-cluttering is good for the mind.

Reading.

Spending time with family.

The arts.

Meditation.

Music is great for setting a mood.

Refer to my blog…

The Thing About Music Is…When It Hits You, You Feel No Pain

What do you enjoy doing?

Like Nike, Just Do It!

As I am to my friend, an outside coach, you need outsiders to coach and remind you that you’re not crazy.

Accept that the narcissistic boss is not healthy and likely suffers from some type of undiagnosed or diagnosed issues.

Accept that you’re not crazy and you will get out of there.

Say it to yourself.

“I’m not crazy and I will get out of here.”

Repeat it often.

Again.

And again.

And again.

From time to time, a glass of wine at night to take the edge off would be good. It’s also good for the heart. One.

I’ve also read that a glass of wine is the equivalent to a Xanax.

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I said one glass of wine.

lol

Some individuals may read this and ask themselves, “have I been dealing with a  toxic and narcissistic boss?”

If so, may the force be with you.

Some individuals may read this and ask themselves if they’re a narcissistic and toxic boss?…(doubtful. narcissists are not that receptive)

If the shoe fits…wear it.

If it fits then perhaps these individuals should search within themselves for the bigger problem inside that is resulting in them making other’s lives miserable.

Some of these narcissistic and toxic bosses are highly decorated on paper with a colorful resume and degrees.

The thing is like Jay Z said…

“You can pay for school, but you CAN’T buy class.”

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It’s the holiday season and I hope everyone has a joyous and peaceful holiday season.

If you’re dealing with a narcissistic or toxic boss I hope your holidays (really the rest of your days) are run-in free.

If you’re a narcissistic and toxic boss, I pray you realize you’re fragment and consider revising.

Namaste.

With Love always from Miami,

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-MJ

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