You Are BOUND To Lose Your Lunch…

We’re hanging out riding along US 15 and I sense a scent of death.
Gf: do you smell that?
Bf: huhm, smells like its coming from the back.
Gf: don’t try to blame my cats! It was probably you!
Bf: nahhh, you’d know if it was me.
Gf / Bf: lolol
Gf: it can’t be them because they haven’t eaten since lunch time.

So we continue along on our road trip to Leesburg, VA for a pit stop to Dick’s and dinner.

I know, I know. “Dick’s?” You ask.
Surprisingly enough Dick’s up north is a sports store, a huge one at that. Matter of factedly they have a Dick’s near the Target right before you get on I4 to head towards Orlando.

Anywho, now one of the cats is vomiting.
The black cat being the habitual vomiter automatically got the blame. The cat that clearly has always been a little rough around the edges.

Bf: are we going to stop to clean that up?
Gf: nope, she can sit in it til we get there for doing that.

I’m not sure how?! But we left the apartment at 6pm. It was now 10pm and we had made NO real progress on the road. Wtf?!?!
Let’s see. We think back, we stopped by the in-laws, then we stopped at sports authority, then we stopped at petco, then wendy’s, then gas… Oh yeah, lol and we stopped at Dick’s. Lol. Still we were really quick! We knew we had 3.5 hrs to drive. The estimated arrival time now according to Phoenix was 1am. Sigh…

So now we hit the road. As always when you are in good company it goes by splendidly.

We arrive at the winter cabin and the first thing I unload are the kitty cats. I sit them in the hall way on the hardwood floors right next to eachother. And surprisingly enough Jade was the one guilty of the upchuck. But like the lady that she is the vomit was all near the front of her cage and she was very careful to stay as far away as possible with both of her front paws right next to eachother and her tail curling around her paws. I look at onyx and don’t see anything off first glance and proceed to state;
Gf: see I told you it wasn’t them!
Bf: well it smells like shit, help me light these candles.

Nonetheless it DID smell like shit!

We proceed to spark up some candles.
We set up their cage which was on loaner from their step brother Capone. Thanx Capone. Woot, woot! Its a cage about the size of Kodiak’s. Damn near a mansion for them.
I put in the little litter box, then bowl of water, then a blanket then Princess Jade is escorted in first so she can pick her territory. If you know Onyx she’s a bit dominant and often times intimidating. So Jade gets to hang out some in their new home before Onyx is released and she bogards the entire suite.
Ok now its Onyx’s turn.

Gf: baby spot me in case one of them runs past me.

I grab Onyx out and put her in the cage singlehandedly with my right hand.
Onyx steps in and simultaneously walks forward and with each step shakes off each paw.

The bf and I look in disbelief.

Bf: what is that?

I horrified, smell my hand and almost lose my dinner. It was either feces or urine.
Or worse! Both!
I scruff Onyx with the same contaminated right hand and have no choice, but to tub her.

In the tub she goes and on comes the hot water, and the tango begins.
Onyx fighting to get out and me fighting to keep her in.

Tan, tan, tan, tan, taradadada, tan, tan, tan, tan!

Oh God! It went on like that for at least 15 minutes.
Mean while I’m laughing so hard its making it that much harder to hold her in place.
Onyx has her face pulled so far back she looks fresh from recovery of a McNamara/Troy face lift. I commense soaping her down with, dove body wash.
Hey desperate times call for desperate measures.
Onyx finally calmed down and was just laying in the tub water. I had to check if she was alive because she was so calm I thought I may have scruffed her to death.
She was still breathing. And now it appears were done.

Onyx is soaked though. It wouldn’t be fair to put her in the suite with Jade.
She goes back in the carrier wrapped in a towel like a pig in a blanket and we sit her by the heater vent so she can dry off.
The Bf makes her a make shift air duct vent that will guide the hot air straight to her first then come out of the holes in her carrier. My two ugg boots along either side of the heat vent and either side of the front of her carrier, then a large envelope leaning from the outer edge of the heat vent leaning onto the top and front part of her cage.

Then we start to piece it together like an episode of CSI Miami or the Wire.
Ok Jade threw up?…
Onyx was stacked on top of Jade in the passenger side back seat in the corner because the boards were on the other side.

Onyx shit herself. There’s no lady like way to put it when you shit yourself, because there isn’t anything lady like about it. And if you recall although Jade lost her lunch she was very careful not to touch it when on the other hand Onyx was all in her shit.

Then after Onyx shit herself Jade, well as the bf put it
Bf: well, jade, she lost her lunch.

And you CAN put that lady like because if you’re in a corner and the only smell coming in is shit! Then you’re bound to lose your lunch.

(Re-blogged from my old blog; — 2/14/09)


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